When Shakespeare said, “For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo,” he forgot about the suffering of one particular couple, Abelard and Heloise. In their letters to one another, Abelard and Heloise, the star-crossed lovers of the twelfth century, reveal their views on religious life, love, and commitment. Heloise, the niece and possible daughter of a respected Canon, crossed paths with the famous scholar Abelard in the early 1100s and so began an illicit relationship that would end in tragedy. Abelard set his sights on Heloise, twenty years his junior, for her smarts and became her tutor in order to seduce her. Once Heloise became pregnant, Abelard moved her to a convent where she had their son. Her uncle, Fulbert, was furious with the affair, so Abelard promised to marry Heloise as long as it was kept secret, as marriage could negatively affect his scholarly career. They married in a secret ceremony, much to Heloise’s discontent. Unsatisfied with the secrecy and Abelard’s behavior, Fulbert castrated Abelard in a vicious attack. Heloise and Abelard then part ways, each vowing to the religious life, Abelard a monk and Heloise a nun. They began a written exchange in 1132, which gives deep insight into their relationship, past and present. Although Abelard and Heloise are a married couple at the time of their correspondence, they have spent many years apart and view the union differently. Heloise initially objected to the marriage with Abelard. However, in their letters, Heloise insists on a continued personal relationship, although she does not insist it be due to the bonds of marriage. She believes in a continued obligation to each other for affection and encouragement; Abelard does not feel a responsibility for her and puts his career first. 

Heloise is adamant in the letters that despite their distance, which she despises, Abelard has an unbreakable tie to her that he must uphold. She does not insist on this due solely to their marriage bond, which she does not hold particularly sacred. Heloise wants to be necessary to Abelard but not necessarily his wife: “the name of wife may seem more sacred or more binding but sweeter for me will always be the word friend, or, if you will permit me that of concubine or whore”(Heloise 51). Heloise wants Abelard to love her freely, not because they are bound by a social construct, such as marriage. In his initial letter, Abelard notes that Heloise “was strongly opposed to the proposal, and argued hotly against it for two reasons: the risk involved and the disgrace to myself”(Abelard 13). While this is from Abelard’s point of view, it shows that Heloise does not like marriage as an institution; she sees what she and Abelard have as something that goes deeper. She also values what brought them together: a shared passion for knowledge. Therefore, she wants to protect his intellectual career. Although Heloise wants to abstain from marriage to preserve Abelard’s career, she expresses hurt in her letters because he has abandoned her to focus on the career they both thought was precious. When his teaching and studies come first, as Heloise had wanted, she ends up feeling spurned and tricked. She writes to Abelard in her first letter, “Yet you must know that you are bound to me by an obligation…all the greater for the closer tie of marriage…and are the deeper in my debt because of the love I have always borne you, as everyone knows, a love which is beyond all bounds” (Heloise 50). She feels that this “obligation” is not presently being fulfilled. She first objects to the marriage for his sake but would like to have a continued personal connection because she feels no passion for her vocation as a Nun because she only took the vow to please Abelard and now feels abandoned by him. Heloise, like Abelard, believes that actions should be judged on their intention. In the letters, Heloise lays out that her intention has always been to “please” Abelard, but she questions his intentions now that they are apart. She elaborates, “You kept silent about most of my arguments for preferring love to wedlock and freedom to chains”(Heloise 51). It is love above anything that Heloise values. She has boundless love for Abelard, which is why his silence towards her hurts even worse. Abelard left out of “Historia Calamitatum” that Heloise does not want to currently be a nun; she only wants him and is only in the “chains” of the convent to please him. Although Heloise never wanted marriage specifically, she sees Abelard and her as tied to each other, not to God. Her sacrifices for him bind them together. Lacking an active relationship with Abelard causes her to lament over the past, but she does not believe marriage solely binds them together. Although Heloise argues to be called a friend and does not hold marriage in high esteem, this does not change the fact that he thinks Abelard has an obligation to her to send her comfort and encouragement as part of their commitment to one another. She looks back with nostalgia and loss at their romantic moments, but Abelard views the past and commitment differently. 

Unlike Heloise, Abelard is primarily focused on his career and atonement for their sins; he does not share her nostalgia or sense of obligation. Abelard’s attitude towards Heloise and her struggle with loneliness and religious life comes across well when he says, “you went on with your old perpetual complaint against God concerning the manner of our entry to religious life”(Abelard 72) in Letter 5. Abelard is dismissive of Heloise and diminishes her calls for more active communication. In the previous quote, Abelard refers to Heloise’s sorrow over Abelard’s castration, no longer having a physical relationship, and living separate religious lives. His response to these points is, “this came upon us justly, as well as to our advantage, and that God’s punishment was more properly directed against while we married then when we were living in sin” (Abelard 80). Abelard’s letter displays a much greater faith in God and acceptance of the past, most notably the end of his lustful relationship with Heloise. Abelard’s motivation for living the religious life is that it gives him the opportunity to further his career in a monastery. He then details a sexual encounter in a church, illustrating that this has made Abelard see their union in a sinful light. Abelard does not look back with the same nostalgia that makes Heloise desire a continued personal relationship. He thinks his castration was “just,” unlike Heloise, who laments it. Abelard feels the Lord has saved rather than forsaken them: “The Lord has fished us up from the depth of this dangerous sea”(Abelard 81). He attempts to convince Heloise that it is not their being together but instead being apart that will save them. Their marriage, in Abelard’s eyes, is not something lost but rather something that requires atonement. Rather than speaking of his love for Heloise, as she does for him, he speaks of God’s love showing his focus is on religion rather than romance. Abelard diminishes his love for Heloise in his letters. While she questioned his intentions in her letters, she never called into question her undying love. Abelard confirms Heloise’s concerns about his feelings for her by saying: “It was he who truly loved you, not I. My Love, which brought us both sin, should be called lust, not love”(Abelard 86). He reduces his relationship with her to lust. In doing this, Abelard affirms their current commitment to religious life. In the letters, Abelard sees Heloise as a “partner” in “spiritual love” but not in romantic love for each other and does not desire the joint-life of a married couple. 

Although writing about the same relationship, Abelard and Heloise see things very differently. Heloise’s letters show how love comes before institutions such as marriage and church life for some. The correspondence demonstrates how powerful religion was, it has a stronghold over Abelard, and he uses it to prove points and tell Heloise what to think. It gives insight into medieval relationships, yet Abelard and Heloise were unique in their opinions due to their advanced education and traumatic life experiences. For Heloise, personal, emotional commitment comes first; for Abelard, religion and intellect come first. These unique “love letters” show arguments over how a couple, who has been through unimaginable trials, defines their relationship differently. They give refreshing points of view on marriage, defining love, and consequences of sins.